Dear Adeline,
There's a proverb saying that
"A daughter will hold your hand for a little while , but will hold your heart for a lifetime"
And you couldn't believe that it's so true. Not until your heart captured by mini-me replicas in a breathing living body.
You knew I've loved you before I met you.. and no.. this is not Savage Garden song. Although .. yeah .. I admit that I copy this line from that song.
Since the first time you were just a tiny blip inside my womb, since the first heart beat in that black USG monitor in that cold obgyn's room, I knew that you capture my heart, my mind, my life.
The day you were born, I cried my heart out. Because your detachment from my womb is predestined like ending of Holywood movie. Like a part of me is separated from my life.
Breastfeeding was a nightmare for both of us at that time. Not because we don't enjoy it. But because since our birth as female, we have to succumb to sets of value that was predetermined by society standard. How much the milk flow, became the impossible indicator of success of being a mom. And it stresses me out. Purely because I want to be the best for you. The best mom. The best caregiver. The best nursing mom.
And I knew deep down that what we've felt then is only a beginning of other sets of rules.
How people blatantly sets beauty standards to not 80% of real female, but that 1% of crafted and photoshopped image of women.
How women intelligence is considered intimidating. And what kind of dress they wear will determine their value.
You will be flooded with false attention of boys with their hormones, and some of other females are bickering over a boy like hens over cock. And you will be faced with other mother values that the success of a women is based on how rich she can get a husband. Even if it is second wife or even just a mistress.
You will face opinions that women's place is in the kitchen. And never outside the house. That women's is at her best when she give up her dreams for a greater good of men's dream.
But NO... I will not raise you to be such a woman. I will raise you to be smart yet humble, knowledgable yet grounded, independent yet kind, reflective and internalized many things without boasting.
And there will be time where you will go out there and spread your wings, and leave this tiny nest, face the world alone without being lonely. And I will not try to keep you in my nest, because when the time comes, the world will be your huge nest, and all human will be your brothers and sisters. I will train to make your wings strong enough for the fiercest wind.
At the same time I will train my heart to willingly seeing your back while you face the wide world and catch the wind that leads to your dream...
Because loving someone is setting her free...
Happy 15th Birthday, dear Adeline...
You will always be in my prayer, and forever in my heart as my little brave but kepo princess.
